I was refereeing a women's league soccer game, when I snagged the seat of my shorts on a goalpost nail. This was no mere tear - it went about 8" across, and down. If you ever wondered what the word HUMILIATION means, try losing most of the seat of your pants in front of 2 dozen young women! Trying (and failing miserably) to ignore the players' whistles, claps, and whoops of delight, I asked my assistant ref if she had a needle and thread handy. Instead, she pointed me to Alteration Express. Luckily, it was just two blocks away, because she was laughing too hard to give complicated directions. I was quickly hustled into a changing room, past two female customers who found the sight of my "Garfield" boxers as funny as the soccer players did. Within minutes, my shorts were returned in near-perfect condition. Cheers to Alteration Express, home to expert seamstresses, and real LADIES, whose soothing, gentle demeanor provided the only respite from an otherwise crushing humiliation.